~ Welcome, Child of the Lord ~

Praise be. You have arrived at the digital sanctuary of the Holy Church of Nigeria, a most blessed congregation founded upon the firm rock of fellowship, love, and unwavering devotion. Whether thou art a wayfaring sinner or a seasoned saint, our doors are flung wide and our hearts wider still. Kick off thy boots, take a seat in the pew, and let the spirit move thee.

~ Our Holy Men ~

Pastor Adebayo Head Pastor Meet Adebayo, a proud pansexual Nigerian man with a deep connection to the Lord, and one of the holy men involved with the Holy Church of Nigeria. He is looking forward to blessing you.

Pastor Quintavious Holy Man Meet Quintavious, a beautiful Nigerian man with alot of love to give. He is one of the holy men involved in the Holy Church of Nigeria.

~ Holy Services ~

Cleanse thy soul. Cast out thy demons. We do it all, for a most reasonable tithe.

Holy Baptism

$50,000 — flat rate

Be reborn in the waters of the Vinewood Reservoir. Includes one (1) blessing and a complimentary photograph for thy family album.

Dress code: White garments only. NOT beige. Beige is not white. Beige shall be turned away at the water's edge.

* Holding of breath is the responsibility of the baptized. The Holy Church of Nigeria assumes no liability for water inhalation.

Exorcism

Price varies by demon class

Class	Manifestation	Tithe
I-VII	Demon	$55,000-$75,000
VIII-X	Super Demon	$75,000-$150,000
XI-XV	Hyper Demon	$200,000-$500,000
XV+	Archfiend / Unspeakable	Pray for us all $5,000,000

* Demon classification determined on-site by Pastor Adebayo. Class V consultations may require travel to Mount Chiliad. No refunds.